Format Friday

Today’s blog post is divided into two main parts:

  1. Diary
  2. Additional Topics

What do you think about this? I try my best to facilitate reading by creating interest specific sections. If only I could insert a block with a wiki-styled quick link index!

Diary

Calmed Confusion

A thing that helped me a lot yesterday night was re-watching a video by Leo Gura from actualized.org about confusion during self actualization work. Apart from the content, which is great, I feel like I have a friend who really understands me when he is talking. He is one entity I’ve experienced direct telepathic connection with, in prolonged question-answer format. Pretty cool. Actually, all of reality is in perfect contact with itself every moment, but that is another story. Here is the video in case you are interested: https://youtu.be/lRipeQ_lcN8

Awakening to Self Love

I woke up after another existential crisis. I wonder if I ever will get used this pendulum, going from the extreme non-dual experience of an almost pure quantum wave function to being a ‘normal’ person.

It is very effective to ‘protest’ ones existence fully. Question all of it. What is the point really? How about if it ended right now? The head immediately starts filling with visions of the whole totality of humanity and beyond going bye-bye forever. It is just a sub-story, a single page in the infinitely larger consciousness. It becomes so obvious when watching thoughts streaming by. None of them are me. I as a name is just another thought, a symbol among symbols. As an endlessly merging, appearing and disappearing, an ever-changing foam of billions of bubbles are the thoughts and ideas of single persons.

After questioning the whole existence, it felt so easy to love myself completely. If I am not anything singular apart from anything else, what’s the point of being selective? Just accept the whole thing and love the shit out of it! Thanks to this, I did yoga. Thanks to this I went back to bed and rested when I fell asleep at the end of the program. This had great repercussions throughout the whole day. Few things felt as difficult as the previous days.

Better Breakfast

By following recommendations from the awesome instagrammer @raw_vegan_rising I emphasized non-parasitic food, reducing unhealthy cravings like salt, sugar and carbohydrates!

I love coconut!

Proper planning

Not as pretty as in the ad, but got the job done!

This neat system of planning was snatched from an advertisement on Instagram. I have learnt to just pick the useful ideas up from advertisement for info-products. The paper I write on is cut from a printed paper which didn’t turn out right, my cv I handed in to the first art exposition I have applied for, which will be tomorrow.

Job follow-up

No news on the four jobs I have applied for so far. I will apply for another job on Monday.

Bruce the Vincical Art

When it comes to art, my mother is one of my role models. I love seeing her works and the style she is developing at the moment; a fusion of realism and abstract, mixing oil and acrylic paints and using knife mixed with brushes, pens,  collages and imprints. She also makes series. I don’t know how I could create one, being involved in so many other things. I tend towards longer, highly unique projects. Perhaps there is some truth to what my father sometimes says about me, that I am a modern Leonardo da Vinci, who also worked on a broad scope of projects, over very long time. Mona Lisa would be the prime example, taking seven years. I keep his book ‘Thoughts on Art and Science‘ as a reference companion on my phone. If we could meet in person, I’m certain we would have a great time, despite his strong opinions on visual art being superior to poetry. I don’t agree, I think poetry and art can be fused. A poem can fertilize the vision for an artwork, and an painting or image be the source to a great poem. I think we benefit from a fluid perspective on things. To quote another man dear to me:

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.”

— Bruce Lee

I scheduled one hour for the commission I think of as ‘Heavenly Dogs’. It is progressing well. I build on the natural organic sketching style I do well and will stick with it until I have all the details down. Today I used only one single pencil.

Not even 5% done, but I think it will be ready before 2025. Patience.

But my aim is to add strong contrasts, depth, light and for a truly stunning and unique atmosphere and for that I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of the art equipment I left behind in the Basque Country. It will be awesome to have a good sharpener, the complete sets of pencils, color pencils, ink pens and color markers I am accustomed to along with the new crayons, coal pencils, colored ink pens and acrylic pens I borrow from my mother.

Workout circuit

Effective energy booster! I recorded the first four sets and compiled a short video to post on my instagram account @calyogymoves. Since embedding with Gutenberg doesn’t work for me at the moment, I’ll just give you the link to the post: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp97YE_lJjI

Website

I reorganized the TO DO list I keep on this website. I reversed the chronological order, placing the latest month to the top of the page.

Gaming

What I looked forward to a lot today, or even the whole week was recording the next video for my Minecraft Let’s Play series. It’s the fifth one, and the improvement from the first one is REALLY visible. This episode will have an intro with music, smooth transitions, my voice is audible and I am more relaxed, talking and playing at the same time. The video will be edited and uploaded tomorrow. I also spontaneously planned a stream for Sunday at 7 P.M. UTC+1.

I don’t know if there is any game starting screen that can make me happier than the one for Minecraft’s Aquatic Update. Feeling blue is being blessed and bountiful. I have only touched on a small fraction of the new additions; I used coral blocks in the pumpkin house I built for a Halloween contest, and a short play with the new water mechanics in the Let’s Play in the world of b³O. Just wait until I get time to explore the oceans with a beginners mind! I’ll be euphoric and ecstatic and perhaps sing Disney’s ‘Under the Sea’.

Spontaneous dinner

This wasn’t explicitly planned. I had written reading and writing, meditation and sleep as the last items for today.. But I think I can manage my cravings by eating good foods. Only part of the meal is boiled vegetables or processed produce, the rest is raw.

a lot of vegan yum. pineapple, mandarin, chia seeds, cocoa powder, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, cherry tomatoes, soy yogurt, spinach, cauliflower, boiled broccoli, carrots and potatoes
cacao, chocolate, mixed berry marmalade and peanut butter on hard bread

mm…

Additional Topics

Blogging

I’m having issues with the new Gutenberg editor for WordPress.

  1. All topics don’t show up in the category list. The alphabetically ordered list of perhaps almost a hundred categories for this blog ends around p.
  2. I like the new blocks, but advanced functionality has been left out which I think should be kept. A product can be intuitive and easy to use without being dumbed down.
  3. Embedding instagram links gives error messages: “This block has encountered an error and cannot be previewed.”
  4. Adding links in the text is extremely slow at times.
  5. When a post reaches a certain size the scroll function keeps jumping back previous positions.

I wonder if I should have 10 or so different blogs instead of one. I tend to write such long posts. I could still write as I do now, at the end of the day. I actually registered a poetry blog, but haven’t gotten around to design it yet. I don’t think I would post anything there anyway other than poetry. I could use the category cloud and see what I write most about, and then divide based on that. My guess is that Enlightenment and Food are the first two picks.

The split content would not show how many different things one single person can be up to. But I could keep doing mega-posts and just grab the best nuggets for single category blog posts.

Productivity anxiety

Something troubling me is anxiety for coding. It is related many years of dealing with depression and feeling like a failure while being an engineering student and working as a software developer.

Planning is key for me to overcome this. Code perfectly working gives such a satisfying feeling!I have at least nine projects I would like see realized. Plus I’d like to create a hack to help me manage Facebook using a Linux equivalent to AutoHotKey, =D. I remember the script-app Mutiny I made many many years ago in AutoHotKey.. such satisfaction! The interface and the code was artistic in nature. It was intuitive, messy and worked perfectly!

All nighters are best when just working on fun creative stuff. In my teens and twenties I enjoyed coding, pixel art and computer games. I also have a fond memory of a New Year’s eve and night composing MIDI-songs with five friends in High School. The drawback is messed up schedules. The best is to still do everything the next days as planned.

Flashes of intuition

As I munch on chocolate and pistachio nuts I think about how all misery is self-inflicted. This is absolute truth which can seem harsh extends way beyond what one normally thinks.

Memories and intuitions come to me in quick flashes. They last a few milliseconds each and come when focus from present activities is dropped. Often when I eat. Writing them down is the best I can do. Even things that seem impossible right now can be useful later. I want to add a section on bkh.me dedicated solely to those quick spurs of ideas, imaginations and visions.

I sense what an incredible life I have had, what richness. How seamlessly blends despite such wide extremes of experiences.

Being a shy child growing up, a nerdy teenager with a few but very precious friends. Falling in love just before adulthood. Getting my heart crushed. Living as a student and part-time worker for over a decade. Moving abroad and growing more in two years than the previous thirty together. Finding that death is just another word for ultimate unconditional happiness. Skirting the edge of physical existence, so near to leave and exist as something else. Then bouncing back again into a life as a blogger at my parents house.

Who are you?

Something stops me from adding ‘leave me a comment, like this and share with your friends’ at the end of posts. My blog-self is not a YouTube and Instagram persona, though I have no problem parroting standard promotional phrases on those medias. But I am curious. Who are my readers? I would very much like to connect with anyone reading this. Do you actually learn something and/or at least enjoy these text and image walls?

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