During a trip through Europe to Barcelona 2013, I had some experiences of reality not being as material and deterministic as I had previously assumed.
Two observations stood out.
I wrote down the first observation in a notebook and illustrated it with a small diagram to help me remember it.
At the time, I believed fully in a materialistic, mechanical reality and tried to explain the experience as a delay within my brain between the time of receiving sensory inputs processed them subconsciously. At the time it didn’t occur to me that the idea of having or being a brain are also just observed events!
What I wrote was “delayed conscious experience of exterior event => sense of predetermined future”.
The illustration I made looked something like this:
I was aware of a strange connection between events within very short time intervals, perhaps even less than seconds. I thought they should be completely uncorrelated, but I could not deny what I felt and observed. The related events could be both thoughts in my head and things people said or did.
I now understand that this was a non-premeditated experience of ‘becoming reality’, something I experienced more fully and intentionally in 2016. After better understanding existence itself, I found how every phenomenal experience was part of one single process within consciousness. I then started to consciously mold the entire world in a more total sense by selecting thoughts and searching for new ideas to experiment with, something which I have continued with to this date.
The second observation was while walking along a street. I noticed how if I relaxed in a certain way, my body would not touch passersby or lampposts, even though my kinetic sense told me I should have collided. I was not confident enough to tell anyone about it at the time.
Today, this no longer seems strange or unnatural to me, it is part of the underlying nature of reality. Every phenomena arise in the present moment out of nothingness, and its quantum nature can be made apparent on all levels for an observer, an ‘I’. The body is literally created as any conscious act can be, by being wrapped around and observed by consciousness itself. What affects it or not and how is entirely up for modification, only habit makes it appear something fixed and solid, subject to ‘external’ physical laws.
Looking back on my notes, I see how I was searching for reasons behind existence by exploring various fundamental ideas, concepts and their possible relations. I was jotting down things like
- Stop/start, Increase/Decrease
- State: Infinite/Empty
- 1/0, true/false
- Operation/operator/operand, function/subject/object
I realized that this exploration unintentionally generated my unusual experiences! I was looking for answers by creating my own model, not yet understanding that the whole existence IS the model itself, experiencing itself by creating models and change on itself, endlessly and infinitely.